Merry Christmas 2011!

Greetings, Friends and Loved Ones!

Given the excitement of the last several years, we decided to take our time in 2011 and really savor life.

We started the year in Manhattan, Lyric and I were surviving our Manhattan winter, relying on the kindness of less-pregnant women as Carlos was deep in crunch-time, finishing off the AAA video game: Homefront. The game was released and Carlos given plenty of time off just in time for the arrival of our second daughter, Story Jane on April 6th. Story Jane was born quickly and joyfully in a birthing center in Manhattan.

It just so happened, that Granpa Mike and Grandma Debbie Curran had arrived in town that very day and got to see their little grand baby fresh from the oven. It was a great blessing to have them with us.

Then, even more big news: at Story’s four week check-up it was found that there was something wrong with her eyes and Christin was sent directly to a pediatric ophthalmologist, revealing our tiny baby had cataracts in both of her eyes. Several visits to specialists and tense days followed revealed that, yes, she did have to have cataract surgery at six weeks of age, but that with the aid of contact lenses, vision therapy, and future surgeries, Story’s vision would develop.

We don’t know how well she will see when all is said and done, but she is, at eight months old, a big flirt, and loves to laugh at the antics of her big sister. I am confident that Story’s vision will be good enough for a full, normal life, though perhaps she will never be a fighter pilot. Either way, we are very grateful for all your prayers, for her current progress, and modern technology. Some of the techniques to help Story were only developed in the last few years.

By video game standards, Homefront was a hit, and work began on sequel before it even shipped. So, naturally, THQ decided to shut down KAOS Studios. Fortunately the game’s release brought many recruiters looking for someone as skilled and experienced as Carlos. He took a job with Havok, an Emmy-winning company that creates technology for movies, video games, and simulations. It was not long before we were leaving our Most Beloved New York City, and getting on a plane to San Francisco.

After spending a month in corporate housing, we ended up finding a big, sunny apartment in the famous Haight/Ashbury neighborhood. “Colorful” is an accurate word to describe it, full of old and new hippies and all that goes along with them. “The Haight” is situated midway between downtown (Carlos bikes to work with an army of other commuters along ‘the wiggle’) and Ocean Beach, and within walking distance of Golden Gate Park (similar to NYC’s Central Park), museums, gardens, and playgrounds (absolutely essential).

This year we began our homeschool journey with Lyric. We joined a homeschooling meet up and have been busy going on field trips and play dates with some of the Bay Area’s other young homeschoolers. Lyric loves to tell people she is homeschooled and is quite the bibliophile and is doing very well in her beginning reading. Extreme extrovert that she is, she makes friends wherever she goes, loves to entertain the masses, wakes up with a song in her heart and a dance in her feet. Needless to say, mom goes to bed tired every night.

The best word to describe our sweet Story Jane is “jovial”. Her ready smile melts hearts wherever she goes, and her calm, understated sweetness is the perfect juxtaposition to Lyric’s spicy fire. Carlos has finally figured out how to make her laugh until she screams (happily).

As for me, I’ve been busy mom-ing it up, making great (according to Carlos) dinners with this fresh California produce, strumming the ukulele, and I’ve even dusted off my novel manuscript… who knows? Maybe this will be the year I finish….

We’re just starting to settle (as much as we ever do) in San Francisco. Carlos’ new co-workers are great, and he never has to work over-time. We’ve found a great group of believers at Ikon Christian Community (which recently got a write-up in the New York Times about being a ‘hiptster’ friendly place). They have been very welcoming, especially to the first two regularly attending people under 21.

Lastly, in November, we got to bring both kids out of the country for the first time. We had the joy of celebrating the wedding of Christin’s sister, Caitlin, to a wonderful man, Victor Salas, in Xalapa, Mexico. We wish them much joy, and we know they will be great together.

As usual, there is no end to our adventure. We look forward to a quiet Christmas and New Year’s Eve, which we will probably spend at the beach.

Much love, joy, and peace to you, “for unto us, a Child is born.”

Carlos, Christin, Lyric, and Story Jane Curran

Looks like I am moving to America

The Crazy Train is leaving the station June 30th. Next Stop: San Francisco.

I have been singing that theme song to "The O.C.", 'California' by Phantom Planet, for two weeks now.

So we're moving again. So we're moving again! Nothing like three cross-country moves in less than four years! This time we're heading out to the *other* coast. I never thought I would be a California girl! (Then again, I never thought I would call myself a New Yorker, either.)

I never loved living in a place like I have loved living in New York--It makes one feel as if they are really alive. But as wonderful and magical as this place can be (and let me tell you, Central Park is magical!)



New York can also drain the life slowly out of a person. The work/life balance is difficult (impossible??) to achieve here. I know too many moms who function as if single-moms, and I don't know anyone else who does not have a baby-sitter or nanny (or cleaning person) to help them out. After nine months of Carlos working crunch time (i.e. we can work you in to the ground but not pay any over time) and the AAA game he was working on being released and selling more than 2.6 million units, of *course* the company decides to close the studio. Which is fine. We see better times ahead.

New York City, we will miss you. But we are excited to see what lies behind door #3.



(Plus, I plan on learning to surf!)

Contact Lenses, Baby

About a week-and-a-half ago my nine-week-old daughter got contact lenses and could see for the first time. Getting the right prescription was difficult as her eyes, searching for something to see other than a bright blur, were quickly ranging back and forth. The doctors did what they could to figure it out and ordered her lenses. With the lenses in, her eyes stopped bouncing around like pinballs and the doctors were able to get a more accurate measurement of her prescription, and to order new lenses that would over-correct it, making her able to see things up-close, like her mommy's smiling face as I hold her.

Even the optometrist, who specializes in pediatric optometry, had a bit of a time getting the tiny lenses into my daughter's even tinier eyes. I was having a hard enough time getting drops in her eyes, and the thought of putting contacts in while she scrunched them shut tight, crying, was a daunting one. Carlos gave it a whirl ending with poor baby Story screaming hysterically, like nothing I have ever seen before. It took everything in my brain to overcome my instinct to take my baby, who sounded like she was having her skin peeled off, and run far, far away with her. I was still shaking a bit from whatever mommy-endorphins were released, hours later.

Today, a few days after that screaming fit, I held down my baby, set my jaw, and determined I would get these damn lenses in her eyes. No more monkey business. No having the optometrist rescue both me and the baby from each other.

It was difficult, and I am still not sure how I did it, but I got those lenses in. We had to calm down the poor kid between eyes--she was quite worked up--but I did it.

The role of 'mother' is a strange one: torturer and savior wrapped up into one. *Sigh*

The most amazing thing is that the optometrist said that even two years ago lenses the power that little Story needs were not available. The lenses are available just when she needs them, one of the best pediatric opthamologists was just one express stop away on the subway... I am grateful for the glimpses of the divine in these seeming 'coincidences.'

A time warp to get you up to speed...

So much has happened in the last 2 months.



I became a mother for the second time to a second beautiful daughter.





I found out my child might be blind when she was four weeks old. Two days later I found out she would not be blind but would need surgery and vision therapy. I held her in my arms for hours and hours in the hospital after double-cataract surgery when she was six-weeks old.



I bought a watch and set an alarm to go off every hour to remind me to put drops into her eyes for nearly three weeks. I held her as we put custom-made contact lenses in her eyes a few days ago, on her nine-week birthday, as she saw for the first time in her life.

It has been amazing to see the difference in her as the vision center in her brain begins to develop and she starts to make sense of the sensory input. I can hardly wait for her new, stronger lenses to arrive so that she can see my face, see me smiling at her, and have her learn how to smile back. My heart skips just to think on it.

It amazes me how even in utero I could tell how different she would be from Lyric, how special she would be... and to watch it unfold already is both beautiful and amazing. To see the deep love Lyric has always shown for her, despite all the boring doctor's visits and unintentional attention stealing... how she loves to kiss her and make up songs about how they love each other... it makes a mother's heart feel physically larger.

We've got a long road ahead of us as far as all this vision stuff is concerned. But we are lucky; her affliction is something that can be worked with and 'fixed' for the most part. Many parents receive much more difficult news to bear. Story Jane is a very special little girl, and I am overwhelmed at how lucky I am to have her as my very own.

It has been a strange, full, emotional month.

Firstly, we saw our baby and heard his/her heartbeat last Wednesday. It is odd; with DD I “new” so much about her right away: I knew I was pregnant before I was late, I knew she was a girl as soon as that stick had two lines instead of one, I knew she would come early, and I was fairly confidant she would be a lefty. When I went into labor a month early it did not even occur to me to be worried about it--I knew (in the way that a mother has intuition about these things) that I could trust myself and her and it would all be okay.
This time I know nothing. I had none of the early signs I had with DD (that I did not know were early signs at the time). In fact I can still drink coffee and stay up till midnight (with DD both things were impossible). Boy? Girl? DD has been praying for a girl for months, and she only wants a girl, but as for me “knowing”--not at all.
All this to say, hearing the heartbeat, and especially seeing that little sprouted-lima bean who will be my kid, made it all so very *real*. It went from being a knowledge I carried in my head to one that had meandered down to my heart. DD was a fanatic excitement. This one is a comfortable knowledge. I am not excited, I am not sad, I am not much of any extreme in emotion: I just am. Perhaps this comes from *knowing* what I am getting myself into! The amazing over-the-moon things and the terrible suck-y I-just-want-to-quit things.
All this pregnancy stuff has made me crazy tired, crazy spacey, and crazy homesick. Crazy homesick. I’m feeling all nest-y, and nothing about our apartment is nest-inducing. So we tried to look for a new home-base. Ugh. Awful. Tiring, time-consuming, and frustrating. On the up-side, seeing the other nasty dumps we could afford (in not so awesome neighborhoods) made me have a whole new appreciation for where we live. It may look like dusk during a thunderstorm all day long in our current apartment, but at least I don’t think the place will collapse on me, it is not nasty, and the neighborhood we live in seriously cannot be beat. Maybe I will need to get a sun lamp or take up fake-baking for the winter in order to stave off depression. Lots of vitamin D supplements. Daily required walks, no matter how cold. Something.
I miss my sister. One more month until she comes for Thanksgiving. I think I can make it until then.
DD had her first ballet lesson! You should have seen all of us nutty parents! You would think all of our three-year-olds were graduating from medical school! The videos being recorded! The pictures being taken! The dads and moms taking time off of work to see them! It really was absurdly cute, all these little girls in their full ballerina regalia, so excited to begin that they were literally hopping in anticipation. I didn’t know it was a drop-off class, so that was a bummer (we wanted to watch, and DH took off work for the occasion), and I was afraid that DD would have a difficult time *listening* and *following directions.* But from what I could see when I peered through the tiny window into the room (I didn’t have anything better to do; next time I will bring a book or something) they were having a blast and DD was doing quite well for herself. As her auntie says, she has the music in her, and it is true.
We also had a house-guest, which, as always, is wonderful and exhausting. This was especially good for DH as it was his BFF, and his current job schedule leaves little time for meeting new people and building new relationships from scratch. We had a great time but are now left to get our equilibrium back. My writing habit is gone to pot and must be resurrected, along with nap times (so that I can do said writing).
On a sad note, I have received quite a bit of very upsetting news from friends this week. One college friend lost his wife several weeks after the birth of their baby, leaving him to father two tiny babies (one adopted) alone. My heart broke at the news and I have been praying for those three several times per day. Any time I think of one of my babies or my husband I am nearly in tears for him.
Another couple friend of ours just suffered a still-birth. Damn.
I cannot conceive the pain of these losses, and I beg for God’s healing, wisdom, comfort, protection, and love, and love, and grace, and mercy, and comfort.
I know that this kind of pain does not just go away, nor should anyone expect it to. But I do know that it is much better to cry surrounded by strong, loving arms than to cry alone. And that is what I pray for for these families: that they will feel the strong, loving arms around them, and that they will be free to cry.
All this death surrounding birth gives a pregnant lady a lot to ponder.

The Ballad of America

I don't know what I would do by myself,
but I know that I don't need you anymore--

I killed these dreams all by myself.

I don't know how to live anymore
making dreams open up like a flower.

I abandon them to rot in the ground.

Maybe I will sculpt them out of stone,
then maybe when I'm old I can take them off the shelf.

Will I recognize them anymore?

Just dust them off, polished up, spit-shined.
Then maybe I will do what I was destined for.

I killed these dreams all by myself.


some new lyrics I thought I would share. the music needs finessing, but DH liked this quite a bit.

Snow Falls Softly

The snow is falling
lovely and light
like millions of mourning doves
preparing to alight
on olive boughs extending
heavenwards
in peace and hope.

The snow falls softly over the City
muffling the hustle and bustle
like the murmur of a mother
speaking words of
love and hope
over her sleeping child.

The snow fills my heart
with magic and wonder
as I sit here, whispering words
of hope and wonder
over my sleeping child,
here at the feet
of the quited City.